Cruel and Unusual Cystems.

It's 11:22 and I've just finished cleaning out the gaping hole just under my collar bone. I've also just finished with a pretty good cry. Partly because sticking hydrogen peroxide soaked q-tips deep into the hole really hurts, and partly because I know I have to do it all over again tomorrow, twice.

All of this because I had a cyst. A cyst on my chest which I'd lived with (quite happily in fact) for 6ish years. The cyst which had been about 1/2" wide and about 2" in length started to grow. And Grow. AND GROW. By the time my Dr.'s appointment came around the cyst had taken on the appearance of a giant, grotesque Easter egg. Dark purple on the bottom, red in the middle and flesh on the top. By my best estimations it was about 3" wide and 5" in length, and it really, really hurt.

Truth be known, if the cyst hadn't begun to abscess two weeks ago, I'd have gone another 6 years without having it looked at. It had never given me an ounce of pain or trouble and I had no intention of inflicting undue pain on myself. But that was then, this is now.

The Dr. recognized it immediately as a Sebaceous cyst and began a lengthly explanation of how and why it occurs. While I should have been listening with rapt attention as soon as he mentioned the part about "immediate removal" my eyes glazed over and I started having an internal anxiety attack. Before I knew it, I was lying on my back squeezing Ed's hand, and planning my escape route. There was no such luck.

The next hour and half involved some cutting and copious amounts of pressing, pushing, and packing. What will now be forever remembered in my psyche as the Trifecta of Pain. (There was also a lot of cussing, crying and caterwauling... the other trifecta of wimps worldwide!)

And the needles. So many needles. They would have hurt anyway, but because the skin was so incredibly infected and swollen, each pin-prick was like an injection of liquid lightning. Poor Ed is still nursing the nail marks on his right hand. (Speaking of Ed. He was amazing! He's almost as squeamish as I am, and he did an amazing job of keeping me calm and helping me through the entire ordeal. Huge Kudos to him for a job well done!)

The most horrid moments came toward the end, when the cyst walls broke the surface of the incision. There. are. just. no. words. But if I was forced to describe it, I'd suggest you cut a small circular hole in your skin and then reach in and try to extracate your colon.

When the proceedure was finally at it's conclusion and I'd lost the urge to walk toward the light, the Dr. confided to me that my cyst was the largest and deepest he'd removed in his years of practice.

I confided in him that I'd wet my pants a little.