Monday, September 02, 2013

Sometimes I ache.

Sometimes I ache.
Not the physical aches of everyday life, 

but the deeper, tormented, heart wrenching aches.
The aches that remind you of every mistake you've ever made
and every opportunity you've let slip past.
The merciless whispers that remind you that you're doing it all wrong. 

I ignore these aches and pains.
They are distorted and grotesque.
But every once in a while,
something slips across the line
and forces me to dip my head into the
Pensieve.

Then the walls are breached.
And I am forced to confront the source of my pain.
The Demons of my actions past.
We see each other. Eye to eye.
I am kicked down by the knowingness of their stares.
They wrap me up in the weight of my regret.
They stroke my hair with the fingers of my shame.
And they sing to me of my loneliness.

Salvation comes in the form of
anamnesis.
My Happiest memories fighting to the front lines to defend me.
They rescue me from my tormentors.
They absolve me of my guilt.
And together, running through the highlight reel of my life,
we push the Demon's away and back into the darkness.
Where they belong.

And when they return,
Slipping past the Sentinels
I'll fight them off once more.
But, I'll need no sword, no profound words.
I will wear my blessings as my armor.
And then the Demon's will cower
because they will know they have finally been defeated.

1 comment:

Allie Girl said...

Oh my! Your writing has moved me to tears. Such eloquence makes the despair almost tangible. I love you so much! Hang in there and keep looking for the sunshine amidst the darkness. And yes....arm yourself with all your blessings for you have many:)